Ginseng
by PolarisAmane
Summary: Because tea is always the answer to drunken revelry and insomnia


**Genre – Romance/Humour (I guess...)**

**Rating – K+/T **

**Firstly, Thanks go to SoldierG65434-2 for beta-ing the shit out of this. Secondly, I started writing this at the beginning of the Fullbringer arc and only recently picked it back up again. Its set just after the Winter War and, obviously, just after Ichigo loses his powers. Speaking of setting, not that it really matter but this fic is set in the same AU as my other fic **_**Winning Isn't Everything**_**. This isn't at all important I just thought that I'd share it with you all.**

**Disclaimer – I don't own Bleach but if I did then Grimmjow would show up naked, oiled and dancing for my entertainment!**

_Ginseng_

"I can't hear you!" Renji yelled. Ikkaku frowned at him in confusion and then pointed to his ear. Renji rolled his eyes.

This was the problem with Eleventh Division gatherings; they were always so damned noisy. Once it would have been the exact atmosphere that Renji would have been drawn towards: the clamour of men socialising, talking about manly things, like their Zanpakutōs, fighting, and women. These days though he found that they just gave him a headache.

They were crammed into a small room, once barracks but the bunks had long been chucked out in favour of a makeshift bar that might actually, now that he looked at it properly, have been an up turned cot. It was some form of miracle that Ikkaku had managed to fit so many people within the flimsy walls, which bulged on some sides compliments of the large overly-muscled men that were leaning against them. Renji half expected the place to come tumbling down at any moment. But then it had never done so in all the years he had served in Eleventh, so it probably wouldn't now.

Occasionally over the din of men roaring their manly pride, Renji could hear snatches of what might have been music. Ikkaku had told him that he'd brought in a band to play for them, but it was a wasted effort. For one thing he could barely hear them, and secondly from the brief bits that Renji could it sounded like the three musicians – though that was a generous title – were each playing different songs. And Renji could have sworn that one of them was playing the spoons.

He took a swig form the bottle in his hand and pulled a face at the sour taste. Cheap didn't begin to cover what the beer was. Ikkaku had procured it from some man in the Rukongai. Renji knew that meant it had been brewed in an old bath and the sweaty sock after taste was not imagined.

"I said," Ikkaku shouted leaning close enough to Renji that his lips brushed his ear, "we could use some help with the new recruits. You could do with the exercise."

Oh, they were talking about work. Renji had assumed that Ikkaku had seen some broad that he liked the look of. Or possibly a man. Renji wasn't too sure exactly what it was that Ikkaku liked, and he didn't want to ask. It felt as though it was something that he should already have known about his long time friend. Besides, the only woman that would show up at a place like this was Rangiku, and Renji already knew that she wasn't here. He hadn't seen much of her since the Winter War.

"When?" Renji asked. Between his own training and his duties with Sixth Division he didn't exactly have copious amounts of free time.

"Tomorrow or the day after." Ikkaku shrugged. "I'm easy."

Renji wasn't too sure what to say to that last comment. He took another drink of his foul tasting beer as he considered what Ikkaku was asking. "Day after, about one-ish," he said finally. "And I'm going to bring some newbies from Sixth with me. None of them know how to take a hit." Ikkaku grinned at that.

Actually none of them knew what it really meant to be hit. Renji had trained for years under Ikkaku and he knew the difference between a hit and a _hit_.

"Sure Abarai-Fuku-taicho, bring your little girls from Sixth. Let's see how they do against my little monsters." Ikkaku's grin slipped from his face. "They'll probably destroy them. Honestly they're so green it makes me sick."

Renji managed a laugh. He had been thinking along the same lines, only worrying for his own trainees. Some of them were actually girls and he didn't really want to expose them to the kind of thugs that the Eleventh Division attracted. Not that he didn't think women could make just as powerful Shinigami's as men. Hell, he happily admitted to being terrified of Unohana-Taicho. Anyone with an ounce of sense was scared of Unohana-Taicho. Unfortunately, Eleventh wasn't known for its common sense.

Or it might work in his favour. The Eleventh Division trainees would underestimate his trainees, especially the girls, a couple of which were very proficient in Kendo. It would certainly make for an interesting match. Besides, he would get the chance to spar with Ikkaku, and that would be worth an entire bath-full of sock-flavoured beer.

Thinking about the beer made Renji take another swig, emptying the bottle. He had to fight his gag-reflex and force it down. The after taste made him want to bring it back up and it was only the thought of what it would taste like regurgitated that kept it down.

"You want another?" Ikkaku pointed at the empty bottle.

Renji shook his head. "Nah. I have to get up early." It wasn't a lie. He had promised Rikichi that he would train with him. The kid was showing promise and Renji had been surprised by how much he was enjoying training him.

"Don't be such a girl!" Ikkaku slapped him on the shoulder hard enough to knock the wind out of him.

Straightening up, Renji rubbed his now bruised shoulder and frowned at Ikkaku. "Girl?" he said with more than a hint of disbelief. Renji knew "girls" that could quite easily drink this lot under the table. He was about to point this out when Yumichika sauntered through the crowd.

"Perhaps you'd like something classier than beer?" Unsurprisingly, Yumichika looked immaculate, with not a hair out of place and not a crease in his kimono that wasn't meant to be there. In one hand he carried a bottle of what looked to be fairly expensive Sake. He offered it to Renji. "I assure you Abarai-Kun that its taste is quite... excellent." He drew out the syllables, pulling on them as though a lover's clothes.

Renji didn't really want any sake either, he wanted to go home, to take a bath and then climb into his nice warm, but unfortunately empty, bed. He'd spent most of the day training with Zabimaru and his muscles ached. He hadn't even wanted to come to this but it had felt rude to refuse.

Yumichika was still holding the bottle towards him, an elegant brow arched questioningly. Ikkaku was giving him a shit-eating grin, a look in his narrow eyes that suggested that he didn't think Renji was man enough to handle such a drink. Renji sighed in defeat. He took the bottle, brought it to his lips and then paused. Since his man-hood was apparently in question, he might as well put on a bit of a show. He held the bottle out in a mock-toast to both Ikkaku and Yumichika, and then he brought the lip of the bottle to his mouth, tipped it back and downed half the contents.

Ikkaku threw his head back and whooped a laugh, slapping his thigh noisily.

"That was disgusting," Yumichika commented dryly. There was a small smile to his thin lips and a twinkle in his dark eyes, so Renji knew that he had amused him.

Continuing with the show, Renji wiped the back of his forearm across his mouth. "Ah!" he exclaimed sounding refreshed. "You're right Yumichika that does taste... excellent..." He also drew out the word, but with none of Yumichika's elegance, more like a sweaty drunk wrestling a whore out of her clothes.

"I suppose there's a certain beauty to a man enjoying a drink," Yumichika said.

"Damn straight there is!" Ikkaku thumped Renji on the back in what was probably meant to be a friendly way, but had in all probability collapsed a lung.

Renji wheezed and nearly fell over. It was a little embarrassing how easily Ikkaku was knocking him about, it reminded Renji of when he'd first joined Eleventh Division. Those had been much simpler times.

His musings were cut short by a very loud yell, someone swearing and then the sound of glass breaking. All at once everyone, save for one of the musicians, shut up and turned towards the commotion. Renji knew exactly what was coming next and planted his feet firmly. There was a collective sigh, a groan, and then the crowd exploded into violence. People screamed, they shoved against one another and bottles of cheap beer rocketed over head.

Ikkaku made an annoyed noise. "Why can't we all be friends?" he yelled, a manic glint in his eyes. He was swallowed by the crowd and Renji watched as several men were thrown out of his path. Yumichika turned to Renji and shrugged, before disappearing into the swarm of bodies, apparently parting them with his presence alone.

Renji grimaced, not sharing their love for this pointless fight. It was impossible for Eleventh to have any kind of gathering without a brawl breaking out, and once one started it was a signal for everyone to join in. Renji had been holding onto the vain hope that they'd wait until after he'd left to start kicking each other's heads in.

A chair flew overhead, thrown by some violent pisshead. Renji was surprised. He hadn't realised that there were seats. He stepped out of the way of a falling Shinigami, who was quickly dragged screaming back into the throng.

Renji shook the bottle in his hand; there was just less than half of the Sake left. Dodging even more badly thrown punches and miss-aimed elbows, Renji shrugged and chugged down the rest of the drink. He belched and threw the empty bottle behind him.

_When in Rome... _he wasn't sure where he'd heard that phrase, but it sounded right for the situation. Renji elbowed whoever was behind him right in the jaw, and Zabimaru howled with laughter in his head.

"_Pathetic..." _Zabimaru hissed.

/\/\/\

Renji stumbled though the thankfully empty streets of Seireitei. Someone, no doubt a member of Fourth Division, had cleared the snow. It was a futile effort, it fell lazily from the sky and judging by the clouds Renji knew that it would only become heavier later on in the night. He expected the ground to be covered once again come morning.

His muscles still ached, but that was to be expected given his recent workout. He groaned and rolled his shoulder back. He was definitely regretting his minor moment of madness. Fortunately he could rely on the members of Eleventh to be discreet and not tell anyone that he had been involved in their drunken ruckus. He didn't even want to know what Byakuya would say if he knew what had transpired. Actually, when Renji thought about it, he knew exactly how Byakuya would react. He wouldn't say anything. He would stand there and stare in that faintly disapproving manner he was so fond of.

Renji sniggered at the thought. His head was swimming and he had to lean against the wall to stop himself from falling over. Zabimaru was laughing in his head, howling with pure malicious glee. It was infectious and Renji wanted to join in. It would almost be worth Byakuya finding out just so that he could see the look on his face.

Taking a few deep and steady breaths, Renji continued on his way. Despite the snow, the night wasn't as cold as Renji had thought it would be; although that might have just been the numbing effects of the alcohol. It was a shame that he couldn't see the sky, he liked looking at the stars as he walked home; they were good company.

He turned into the Sixth Division compound, the two guards saluted him as he walked past, and he made his way towards the barracks.

As lieutenant he had his own quarters. It had been a shock when he had first joined Sixth to find that the majority of the seated officers had private rooms. In Eleventh everyone just bunked in the same rooms, no matter their official standing. Only the captain had his own quarters. Of course Yachiru had stayed in Zaraki's quarters with him; no one in Eleventh would have got any sleep with her running around like a sugar-fuelled maniac.

Renji stopped and stared at the door to his quarters. A muscle in his chest tightened as he saw a certain someone was standing outside his rooms.

Rukia.

He was tempted to hide, but it was a stupid thought and he quickly dismissed it. He took a deep breath and rolled back his shoulders, standing up straighter, and then he strode confidently towards Rukia. "Enjoying a midnight stroll?" He practically sneered the question. Rukia jumped, apparently genuinely surprised by Renji's presence. At her level she should have been able to sense him coming from a mile off.

"Renji!" she exclaimed her eyes wide, her shock quickly gave way to annoyance. "What are you doing sneaking around in the dark? You nearly gave me a heart-attack!"

"I live here," Renji answered. "I'm allowed to be walking around during the night. What are you doing here?"

"None of your business," she snapped. Then she flushed and Renji guessed that it clearly was his business. "I..." she looked off to the side. "I couldn't sleep."

Renji stared at her. She couldn't sleep, that was her reason for being here? It was certainly unexpected. Even more unexpected was that she'd seek him out. The already tight muscle in his chest tensed to the point of actually hurting him. He was thrilled and touched that he had been the one that she had come to in her moment of need. The feeling was ruined by the knowledge that he was not the man that she really wanted. That thought sent a wave of bitterness washing over him.

"So you decided to disturb my sleep, huh?"

She glared at him. "You weren't sleeping."

"I could have been." He crossed his arms and struck a pose of self-righteous indignation.

Rukia's glare turned into a scowl. She leaned closer to him and sniffed. "Have you been drinking?" She sounded more amused than angry.

He was tempted to deny it, but what would be the point? "So? I'm allowed." He said defensively.

She seemed to be disappointed, all of her fire burning out. She sighed. "Never mind. I'll leave you to it." She turned and walked away.

"Wait, Rukia!"

She stopped and turned, looking right at him with her large eyes.

Renji rubbed at the back of his head. "Did you want to talk?" The question sounded awkward and he cringed. "Or something." That sounded worse for entirely different reasons. "I could make us some tea."

She hesitated. Her hand was held up near her head, frozen in the act of brushing her hair back. A small smile graced her delicate lips. "You sure you can even make tea in your state."

"I'm not drunk!" Renji grinned at her.

For a brief moment, everything seemed alright again. Rukia followed him inside his quarters. Once inside Renji paused and surveyed the mess that was his home. This was one of those moments where he wondered why he didn't put things away. The floor was littered with a mixture of clean and dirty clothes, there were stacks of empty bowls piled on the side benches, and there were even some old weapons that he had collected, _bokkan_ and even a couple of old _Asauchi. _

He didn't spend a lot of time in his quarters, usually only to sleep or eat a quick meal. All of his work was done in his office and the rest of his time was spent training, he even took the majority of his meals in the Sixth Division mess hall with the rest of the squad. He spent so little time here he just never noticed what a state it was in.

Rukia stepped carefully over some old clothes and turned a full circle, taking in her surroundings. She smirked. "Will we be able to find the teapot?"

"Shut up!" Renji replied with a smile. "It's not that bad." He kicked some clothes out of his way as he stalked across the room. The couch wasn't too bad, but he picked some of the clothes that were on there and made to dump them on the floor, then he thought better of it and instead folded them neatly and placed them over the back of the couch. "See, it's looking better already." He patted the space he had created on the couch, inviting her to sit.

Rukia shook her head. "You sit, I'll make the tea."

He probably should have insisted that he make the tea, but he felt suddenly tired and so he sat down heavily and leaned back into the couch. He watched as Rukia disappeared into the small kitchen and Renji tried not to think of the state it was probably in.

She laughed suddenly. "I didn't actually expect you to even own a teapot, never mind such a fancy one. And you have such a wide selection of teas as well. I'll have to tell Ukitake-Taicho, he'll want to have you round every Sunday now."

"Why wouldn't I have a selection of teas?" He asked.

"You just don't seem the type."

"And what exactly is the tea drinking type?"

"Well, someone like Ukitake-Taicho or Nii-Sama." Renji could hear the chink of china as she prepared the tea.

"And people like me don't drink tea?"

Silence. Renji couldn't hear anything from the kitchen, and he wondered if he had said something wrong.

"I didn't mean it like that," Rukia said quietly.

Renji frowned feeling slightly confused, though he was following Rukia's line of thoughts. He hadn't meant it like that either, like he was implying that she was somehow saying that tea drinking was for people well above his station. That a brat from the Rukongai didn't appreciate the finer things and that something a bit rougher would be more to his style, like getting drunk with the thugs from the Eleventh Division.

Of course the implications could also be held for Rukia, she was just as much of a Rukongai brat as he was. Only she had been adopted into wealth and taught the proper way of the world, she should have been initiated into finery.

Renji rubbed at his tired eyes. When he looked up again, Rukia had reappeared carrying a steaming teapot. Renji sat up and cleared a space on the small table, dropping from the couch to his knees and shuffling close. It was an old table and was in serious danger of falling to pieces. It had been made by an old man from the Rukongai, who had charged Renji far too much money for it and Renji had been happy to pay for it. It was worn and scarred, the legs were uneven in length and it wobbled dangerously. If Rukia noticed this though, she didn't comment on it. She placed the teapot down carefully in the centre of the table and then hurried off back to the kitchen, returning a moment later with two cups.

"It's Ginseng."

Renji looked up to her. "I didn't even know that I had Ginseng."

She looked awkward standing there; she kept shifting from foot to foot, rubbing her own arms and avoiding making eye contact with him. It felt strange to have her acting like this around him.

"You gonna..." he gestured across the table in a vague way.

"Oh, yeah..." she knelt down quickly, pulling herself up close to the table. She didn't say anything else though, only looking down at the table. She could easily occupy her time looking at all the different marks there; burns, chips, scratches, it was a beautiful work of practised destruction.

"So," Renji said loudly growing agitated at the uncomfortable silence, "you can't sleep. Nightmares?"

"No," she scoffed. "Nightmares are for children. I just can't get to sleep."

"Right." Renji rubbed at the back of his head. He wasn't too sure he agreed with her about nightmares being for children. Since coming back from Hueco Mundo he had had his fair share of them, usually involving Szayel Aporro Granz and the way he had invaded and abused him internally. He never wanted to come up against something like that again, a creature that rendered him completely powerless.

Renji fought off a yawn. It was probably for the best that Rukia not know that he could quite easily fall asleep this very second. Or that even with the threat of nightmares, he very much wanted to go to sleep.

"Particular reason why you can't get to sleep?" he asked. She did look tired now that he looked at her properly. She was paler than usual and there were dark circles beneath her large eyes.

She shrugged. "I just can't."

"You talked to anyone about it? I mean someone other than me. Ukitake-Taicho would be a good start."

"I don't want to worry him. He has enough things to be taking care," she said. "I don't want-"

"To be a burden?" Renji guessed. "What about going to Fourth then? I'm sure that Hanatarō or Isane could fix something up for you to help you sleep."

She shook her head. "That would only be a quick fix."

"Alright then," Renji sighed, unsure of what to say next he poured the tea into their cups and set the pot back down.

Rukia picked up her cup and gently blew on the tea before taking a small sip. She made a surprised sound. "It's good."

"You weren't expecting it to be?" He snatched up his cup and took a swig. He nearly spat the hot tea out and had to force it down, scalding his throat. "Gah! I burnt my mouth!"

"What did you expect to happen?" Rukia demanded incredulously. "It's hot. You can see that just by looking at it."

For all her exasperated fury, Renji could see the smile on her face. "Yeah well, you still should'a warned me."

"Idiot," she muttered with a chuckle.

He smirked at that, it had been worth burning himself just to see her smile. And it had successfully worked in waking him up; and possibly also in sobering him up. He poured some more tea, leaving the cup this time to give it time to cool down.

"You gonna tell me the real reason why you're here?"

"I told you, I can't sleep."

"And you just suddenly decided to come see me now? From the looks of you this has been going on for a while." He was willing to bet ever since she'd left the world of the living, since she left Ichigo powerless and living his own life.

"Why would I come straight to you? I wasn't aware that you were an expert on insomnia."

"Well maybe you should have asked. I might be." He already knew why she was here, or at least he thought that he knew. He certainly wished that she was here for a very different reason. He quickly dismissed that thought, there were some things that he did not allow himself to think about Rukia, and his "wishes" were one of them.

She was quiet, her face set in a haughty expression. She obviously wanted to talk, but was reluctant to start.

Renji sucked on his teeth as he thought what to do. The silence between them was becoming awkward. If he let it go on then she would likely leave and he really didn't want her to.

"You remember that old man who used to fish at the river?" he didn't know where the words came from. He just blurted them out, anything to end the silence.

"Where else would he fish?" Rukia frowned.

"Yeah, but he had a real special way of fishing," he said with a smile. He could almost see the cogs whirring in her head as she tried to remember, and then her eyes lit up.

"Old man Yuji!" she exclaimed.

"That's right," Renji enthused. "You remember how he-"

"He used to tickle the fish out of the water."

"Naked," Renji laughed.

"And he used to sing as well," Rukia said joining in with his laughter. "Said that the song was what attracted the fish."

"I didn't remember the song," Renji admitted. "I do remember the day we tried to catch fish."

"You did," Rukia corrected. "I had no part in it. You and the others all went running into the river boasting that you'd catch us all a feast. You were all making so much noise you scared the fish away."

"I did not!" Renji bellowed, laughing loudly. He remembered stripping down to his _fundoshi_ and crashing into the water. Perhaps they had sung old man Yuji's song as well, he couldn't remember, but he did know that Rukia was right and they had scared away all the fish. He also remembered Rukia standing by the river's edge, guarding their clothes, laughing. Renji remembered the colour in her cheeks, the sparkle in her eyes and the way the setting sun had stained her orange and red. She had looked beautiful.

He watched her now. Laughing still, a rosy tint to her pale cheeks and the way her hair fell across her face. He saw the haunted look in her dark eyes and the dark rings beneath, he saw how tired she was and he saw the pain there. The sight nearly broke his heart. She still looked beautiful, even now when her heart was hurting so much. She'd always look beautiful.

Rukia sipped her tea between chuckles and then set her empty cup back down. She hesitated, her hand poised over the cup. She turned to him, a questioning look in her eyes. "Do you have anything stronger? To drink I mean."

"Uh, sure." he stood up, feeling slightly surprised. He hadn't really figured Rukia as a drinker. He couldn't actually remember her ever drinking. He walked into the small kitchen and winced at the state of it. What must she have thought seeing the mess of this place? It was some sort of miracle that she had been able to find anything, never mind the teapot.

"Wine okay?" He asked, unsure since he had no clue what she liked to drink.

"Plum wine?"

"Um, yeah." At least he thought it was plum wine. Really, it could have been anything in the jug.

"That's fine."

He grabbed two glasses and inspected them. Once satisfied that they were clean, he took them and the jug of wine and made his way back to her. He set the glasses down and then made a bit of a show of pouring the wine. He poured a small amount for her first, insisting that she taste it, and then he did the same for his own, necking the liquid rather than sipping it.

"Renji!"

"Tastes good!" He declared with gusto. He filled both their glasses and put the jug down, before flopping down to the ground. Perhaps it was the incentive of alcohol and thus a more relaxed atmosphere, but rather than sitting opposite herm he shuffled round so that he was right next to her. She didn't protest. He picked up his glass. "What are we drinking too?"

"What do you usually drink to?" She asked, smiling and taking her own glass in hand.

"Good health?" She gave him a sceptical look. "No? Uh, good fights. That's what we drank to in Eleventh. Probably not suitable for this situation though."

"To absent friends."

"Right," Renji muttered, He probably should have thought of that. He cleared his throat. "To absent friends, may they live in peace." He cringed at his words and gulped his wine to hide his embarrassment.

Rukia smiled softy and sipped her wine. She looked to Renji. "May they live in peace?"

He nodded. "I think that's the least we should want for them, peaceful lives to live. Once they're dead they'll never know peace again." They would all become Shinigami after they died, powerful Shinigami at that. All of them except for...

"You miss him?" What had made him ask that? It was too late to recall the question though and no way for him to angle it so that he would be asking about someone else. Without naming names, they both knew who he was talking about.

Rukia was quiet, which surprised Renji. He had expected her to angrily deny his question.

"Miss who?" She said quietly.

"Don't give me that crap. Ichigo, who the hell do you think."

"Of course I miss him, but that's not the point." She flushed angrily.

"It isn't?"

"No, it isn't."

"If you say so." He had assumed that was exactly the point, that it was a simple case of her missing Ichigo. Not that anything to do with Ichigo was ever simple. Renji rubbed the back of his neck feeling uncomfortable. He drank a mouthful of wine and put the glass back on the table. Rukia was cradling her glass in her hands, staring at the contents. He guessed that missing Ichigo wasn't the point, but that the intensity of just how much she missed him was. He wondered if he really wanted to have this conversation, and whether it would be a good idea to call it a night.

"It's just that," Rukia said, struggling with her words, her expression close to anguish. "It's not that I miss him, of course I miss him. I miss all of them."

Renji's mouth felt dry and his throat uncomfortably tight. When he spoke, his voice was a croaked whisper, "then what's the problem?"

"The way it all ended, the way we just left him there. Powerless, like he didn't matter. It's like we abandoned him."

"I don't think he-" Renji began, but Rukia cut him off.

"I know that's not what we did, and that I should be happy that he returned to his life. His safe and normal life." She sounded more frustrated than happy, her voice was breathless and hard, as though if she said the words with enough impact she would believe them herself.

"But you're not happy?"

"I am," she insisted, and then her face twisted, "and I'm not. I keep thinking about how unfair it is that he's powerless. And then I think that that's probably what he wants, to be a normal human."

Renji felt more than a little confused. "So, you feel guilty for wanting him to have spiritual powers again?" He guessed and silently added, _to have him back in your life._

Rukia shook her head. "No, I feel selfish for wanting him to still have his powers." She sounded angry now, her eyes burned and she gripped her glass tightly. "I should be happy for him. He's safe and he's happy, that's all that should matter." Her voice shook as she spoke and her body trembled violently with the intensity of her words. "I should be happy for him, I know I should, but I can't. I feel... I want..."

"Shut up already."

Rukia's eyes went as wide as saucers and she stared at Renji in shock.

"You think too much. I mean geez!" He rolled his eyes and hit the heel f his hand off of his forehead. "You really think that Ichigo's putting this much thought into this? You think he's sitting in the world of the living feeling all miserable?"

"No, I don't."

"You want him to be sitting around feeling all miserable?"

"No!" She yelled.

"So what are you feeling guilty for?"

She didn't reply.

"When he had your powers do you think he let the guilt eat away at him?" Renji spoke softly now, trying to calm her. "Course he didn't. He used them to do what he does best – to protect."

She sighed. "If it wasn't for me, he would never have had to fight."

"If it wasn't for Aizen," Renji corrected. "And even then, Ichigo was never angry or bitter. He did what he had to do. And no matter what hardships he faced, he would have felt it was worth it." Just for the chance to know Rukia. Renji smiled, he knew fine well that Ichigo had no regrets. "Stop beating yourself up, it's okay to feel guilty, but it's not necessary. It's okay for you to miss him. And," Renji closed his eyes as he spoke, ignoring the tightness in his throat, "it's okay to be selfish and want him back in your life."

It was strange. For some reason he had expected the words to hurt, as though they could physically damage him. Instead he felt odd. It was as though he had lost something, given it away with one hand, but he had gained something else, welcomed with the other hand.

Rukia was turned towards him, her face stricken. "Renji-"

"Don't."

"But, I-"

"It's fine."

"I shouldn't have-"

"I said its fine." He smiled for her. "Really. It's fine."

"All I was going to say was that I didn't mean to burden you."

Renji refilled both their glasses. "You didn't."

She smiled and it was like seeing the moon cut through the clouds. "Thank you."

"Anytime." He smiled too, grinned even. He watched as she raised her glass towards her lips, preparing to take a sip. On impulse he nudged her with his elbow causing the dark liquid to spill.

"Renji!" She yelled. "You oaf! Look what you've done."

"Let's call that revenge for you keeping me up all night."

She turned to face him, up on her haunches and coiled like a spring ready to release at any moment. One hand held her half-empty glass, the other rested on the couch. He suspected that he was going to get the rest of the wine right in his face. "You weren't complaining earlier."

"Yeah well earlier I was... uh," he trailed off confusedly. "What is it?"

Rukia looked confused too, her neat brow drawn together. Her hand moved on the couch. "I don't..." She raised her hand, holding something white in front of her face. She blinked once, twice and then realisation washed over her and she shrieked, throwing the loincloth in Renji's face.

"Bleaurgh!" he tried to bat it away from him, succeeding only in keeping it from hitting his full in the face. He grabbed it and held it at arm's length.

Rukia was on her feet, hopping from foot to foot and shaking her hands in a fantastically girly manner.

Renji leapt to his feet. "Wait! I swear it's clean!"

"I don't believe you!" She shouted breathlessly.

"It is, it is. See!" He held the offending garment out for inspection. And then thought better of it and threw it away. "Uh... it's not mine?"

She shoved him and he fell to one knee, and she began hammering her small fists down on his arm and shoulder. "Disgusting..." she cried between thumps. "...disgusting man..."

He burst out laughing. She continued to thump him. He caught her fist in one hand and she tried to hit him with the other, but he caught that too and smirked at her. He anticipated the kick, moving his head out of harm's way. He hadn't expected her to try and kick him with her other foot. Luckily she missed his face, and through some act of fortune he managed to trap her foot between his shoulder and head.

She hopped on one foot for a moment before stopping and standing still.

"Well this is an interesting predicament," Renji said quite happily.

"Give me my foot back," she said.

Renji could see the small smile on her face and the gleam of mischief in her eyes. "Your foot? Not your hands?"

"I want my foot back."

"No," he replied. "You'll kick me."

"I don't need my foot to kick you."

"Yeah, I kinda think you do."

She proved him wrong. Pulling on his arms, she jumped and planted her free foot square in his face.

"_Berooowwww_..." he moaned, dribbling spit from between his squashed lips. He released his hold on her limbs and cupped his face in his hands, bowing down to the ground.

He could hear Rukia laughing. "I'm sorry Renji, are you okay?"

"Peachy," he muttered. He felt his face with his fingers, making sure everything was where it was supposed to be. His response only made Rukia laugh all the harder. She was bent double, her arms wrapped around her waist and she was nearly crying she was laughing so hard. It was the most alive she'd looked all night. With a groan, Renji pushed himself to his feet. For such a small person, she packed one hell of a punch, or kick as the case maybe.

"I really am sorry," she gasped between laughs.

"Doesn't seem to be any permanent damage done," he assured her, though his lips did feel a bit tender. He wondered how she'd react if he were to ask her to kiss them better? He doubted that she'd even find it funny.

He sat down on the couch and picked up her wine glass and drank what little liquid was left in it in a single gulp.

"Hey!" she protested. "That's mine."

"I know." He smacked his lips and smirked at her. "I think that it's the least you owe me for kicking me."

"You deserved it for letting your guard down." She plopped down on the couch next to him. "At your level you should know better."

"I don't need to take advice from a lowly guardsman."

She snatched her empty glass from his hand and helped herself to more wine, pouring a generous measure into her glass. "Clearly you do." She smirked at him. "Perhaps you should go back to the Academy. It seems that there are some lessons you need to relearn."

"I don't need to do that," he said, smiling. "Not when I've got you to teach me all these things. Whenever I get something wrong, you can just kick me in the face."

"Sounds painful. You make an awful lot of mistakes. "She was smiling, her face flushed with colour and there was a brightness to her eyes, a sparkle in those dark orbs that made Renji worry that he would burn if he started into them for too long. And even as he worried he knew that he wanted to burn.

"Yeah, I do," he admitted smiling ruefully, his voice a little hoarse. He remembered his biggest mistake made so many years ago. It hadn't felt like a mistake at the time, but it had still cut him deeply. It still cut him now. At the time he'd told himself that he'd had to let her go, that she'd be better off for it. Now he saw it for the mistake it was. He thought now that perhaps she had wanted him to give her a reason to say no to the Kuchiki's. He had been too weak though. He had let her walk away.

Maybe though, he hadn't been completely wrong. She shone now as brightly as she had back then. As tired as she looked he could still see the fire in her eyes. But this was a brightness, a fire, that he had nothing to do with. As bright as she was shining now, she shone twice as bright for another. Her fire, her light, her passion were, he feared, he knew, meant for another man.

"What about if I make a mistake?" She enquired, still smiling, amusement dancing in her eyes. "Will you kick me in the face?"

"Nah, I'll just tell you to stop being an idiot and over thinking everything."

She chuckled at that. "That would be... good." Her voice softened. "Thank you, Renji."

"Don't make me spill your drink again."

She laughed and switched her glass to the other hand, keeping it out of his reach. "Another toast," she proposed.

Renji picked up his glass. "To what?"

She considered a moment and then smiled softly, genuine and warm. "To helping friends." She placed her hand over his. "To the good times and the bad." She slipped her hand in his and he held it, gently at first and then firmly as his heart raced. She was looking right at him when she said the last line of the toast. "To remembering where the heart is."

He sipped his drink, his eyes locked on hers. His heart was thumping in his chest, he was surprised she couldn't hear it, his blood pounded in his ears and he trembled. She was still looking at him, smiling softly. He never wanted this moment to end.

"That's a real fuckin' deep toast to make to someone who's shitfaced."

She snorted a laugh, wonderfully unfeminine and extremely adorable. "I know, right?" she said leaning closer to him, her head resting on his shoulder. He slipped his arm around her, she felt tiny against him. "I'm a fairly bad drinker and I already feel a little tipsy."

"You've only had one drink! How can you possibly be tipsy?"

She downed her wine. "Two drinks."

Renji laughed. "Byakuya's going to think I plied you with booze," he complained.

"I won't tell Nii-Sama if you won't."

"Deal." On impulse he kissed the top of her head. She looked up at him, a little surprised but smiling still. "Uh, sorry?"

She shook her head, muttering, "You're such an idiot." She raised herself up and gently brushed her lips against his and the settled back down against him, her face pressed into his shoulder. "Why'd you think I came here?"

He was blushing, a please smirk arcing up his face. He put both arms around her, holding her close. "My impressive tea selection?"

"Yes Renji, that's exactly why I came to see _you_."

He laughed. "I thought it was."

Maybe, just maybe, he could make up for past mistakes. And maybe those mistakes hadn't been quite as bad as he thought. And maybe he had been wrong about something, or someone, else as well. This night was starting to look a lot better in general.

_Fin_

**Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed and please leave a review on your way out.**


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